Thursday, September 3, 2009

Welcome to Planet Jaguar!

In an unknown star system light years from our own shines a phantom planet: Planet Jaguar. Although the details of this mysterious world are enticing, there are only three things that one must know about Planet Jaguar.
1. There are no wars. 2. There is a nice ocean. 3. It is home to intergalactic rock superstar Jaguar.
The form Jaguar has adopted for our planet.
Jaguar descended onto Earth in the mid eighties, specifically Japan's Chiba prefecture. He purchased broadcast time on the local station to beam his self-made music videos created on an Australian video effector in order to promote his message of love and peace. His weekly five minute show HELLO JAGUAR! ran from 1985 to 1993. During the height of the bubble, his broadcasts spread to neighboring Saitama and Kanagawa, only to silently disperse like an urban mirage when the economic reality of the country caught up to the dream.

His abrupt disappearance only strengthened the myth. Why did Jaguar leave us? Had humanity failed some sort of tacit test? Was there trouble on Planet Jaguar? His believers could only wait. While the VHS tapes of his broadcast may fade with age, never will his memory.

But then in 2005, his broadcast returned as suddenly as it had left! Jaguar had been journeying in his time machine when he accidentally sent himself to the future, hence the ten year absence. The city was so grateful to have him back they paid for his show to be broadcast and helped him produce two half-hour specials.

Hey dads! Don’t cheat on mom! I mean it! OK?!
His second broadcast period ended the following year, but Jaguar continues to beam his message directly into our hearts. Someday, in the not too distant future, I would like to share that message with you. For the time being you’ll have to make do with his website. As Jaguar would say, until next time. Yeah, heh, ah!

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